My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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