I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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