He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
