she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
