bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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