Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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