Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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