I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
