To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
