This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
