i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
