I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
