guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize