i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
