Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
