A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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