Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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