Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
