Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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