she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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