Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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