New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
