I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
