all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I am available for nakedness
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
