I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
