Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
