Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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