just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
