remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
