I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
