My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
