So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize