I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
