I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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