Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
