Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
