Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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