They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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