There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Acid is not a monday night drug
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
