I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
