i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
