Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
