i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
operation harelip BJ is a go
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
we're so committed to being not committed
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
