saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
