No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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