my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
If I die, sorry about rent.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
