Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize