okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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