So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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