Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
