Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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