I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Randomize
