She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
