so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
