Who did Billy Mays play for?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
