good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
