You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
