So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
