So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
