I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
