So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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