I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
