I wish i was in the wii world.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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