My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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