new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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