I'm so fucking centered right now
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
