Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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