anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Randomize
