3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
