I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
