70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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