From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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