Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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