Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
