is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
