i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
