Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
