im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
